As A.J. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Baltimore, said Dad. Bad altitude. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. Me: No, I dont. Dont think so? When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? But something struck me as odd. Attention! But I am public affairs, I said. P | Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. Heres what they came up with: My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. The INFANTry! Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. A DC-10 had an exceedingly long roll out after landing with his approach speed just a little too high. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. I was the tallest guy in line. Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Max Stanley (Test Pilot) The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world It can just barely kill you, 31. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you and eventually one of them will. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. Sure, its hilarious to poke fun at rival branches sometimes. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. ", Continental 635 "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff roger; and yes, we copied Eastern and we've already notified our caterers", 53. Get up! Checking to see that he had everyones attention, he asked, What is the first rule?, Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, Shut up, Drill Sergeant!, Army Says: HOOOOOAH! Its a NO FLY zone! What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: The Coast Guard often gets its share of jokes starting with the fact that it was formerly part of the Department of Transportation (now Homeland Security) and not the Department of Defense . The c.i.a. The Best Short Military Jokes 1. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Pilots 5. Its where we park the helicopters.. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Here's an SR-71 Story That'll Make You Laugh - Popular Mechanics When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Military jokes - Pinterest Ocean Pearl, I answered. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. Large mahogany desk.. I am so happy you are risking your life for the USA! 4. And you also make me nervous when you visit.. Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the number of take offs you've made. On an internal Flight with a very Senior Flight Attendant crew, the pilot said, Ladies and Gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. However, even with full power, the little plane could not handle the load and went down a few moments after take-off. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? It took the poor guy all day. Fish Food. 13. 4. Ask the Air Force to secure a building and they will sign a 10 year lease with an option to buy. Theres a post recall and he went to work. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. During orientation at Fort Sill, in Oklahoma, our first sergeant stated that if anyone lost his locker key to see him, as he kept a master key in his office. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. If not able, take the Guadeloupe exit off of Highway 101 and make a right at the lights to return to the airport, 52. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. March forth! Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. 64. [Answered]. Rodrigues there? Did it work? The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Hazing the new guy, he said with a grin. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. I smiled and said, Sure was a lot of em, huh sir?. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. They want their patients to see 20:20! What would As A.J. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. We were a tough group. Marine: Wait, stop. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? Aviation Humor. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. Rather than move, he called the bridge: Hey, he said, can you shift the ship 15 degrees? The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! The owner of this website does not guarantee offers on this site, and all offers should be viewed as recommendations only. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. One night, he returned to the dorm in his perfectly pressed uniform, his newly acquired name tag in his hand. She told me she warships them. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. ", Warren replied, "Well, to tell you the truth, I almost said something when Joy fell out, but you know, fifty quid is fifty quid". Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. 66. Unless you pull the stick too far back, then they get bigger again very quickly". P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Soldier: No way, you guys had air conditioners? A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. 130 Best Aviation Humor ideas | aviation humor, humor, aviation - Pinterest Do not use 27 packs of sticky notes to label everything in the barracks so the general wont have any questions during the inspection. Meanwhile, the sergeant glared at the others. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. 3. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. ! Again, no reply. Why? I asked. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. Upon the Vietnam war's conclusion a lot of money was invested in creating the next class of aircraft. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Top Flight Deck / Cockpit Jokes and Memes Collection. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. A drill serGENTLEMEN! If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. The fighter jet stops whining once the engines are cut off. Funny Military Jokes | Army, Navy, Air Force, Marine Corps - VetFriends Semper Pie 32. 46. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. What do you call a training sergeant who's very kind and respectful? 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. Only one. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. Are you sure you followed the recipe?. 5. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Sometime later, when the examination was Coffee tastes better if the latrines are dug downstream from an encampment. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". P | Engine noise at an unbelievable high level. In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. If air traffic controllers screw up, pilots also die. The modern age of military aviation is often considered to begin around the conclusion of the Vietnam war. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. Military Aviation - Technology: Where it Started and Where it's Going Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . I was very nervous, she said. As I left the barbershop with sideburns in hand, I heard him ask his next victim, Where are you from? Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. Fish Food. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. 15. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Unfortunately, the sun was shining Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? 38. 11. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. 44. Nothing, she said. After a long pause, he thundered, The alphabet?!. He would never get on my nerves, because he would always be gone. They bagged six. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. They cant seem to string three Ws together. You might be in the Coast Guard if your idea of aromatherapy is Simple Green and JP5. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". Fighter Training Manual You know your landing gear is UP and LOCKED when it takes full power to taxi to your parking spot. I just shut down two engines, kid" came the sarcastic reply. Marines Say OOOOORAH! We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Long Haul Top 18 Funny Military Jokes To Share With All Your Military Friends Why does the military have a strict dress code for ceremonies and events? It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. If pilots screw up, they die. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. You had tents?" We thought we would try to share as many with you as possible. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. Hey, Im from St. Louis too! he said. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. P | Left inside main tire almost needs replacement. Why Do We Celebrate It? Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. with someone braver than you.'. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. ", The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it on the ground, took off her clothing and said, "Take what you want", The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway". When the sergeant told our new commander that his driver could not participate in an upcoming field maneuver because she was pregnant, the enraged commander demanded to know just how pregnant she was. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Thats Daddy. Military Jokes March to the beat of your own drum with these military jokes. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Germany's military 'Zeitenwende' is off to a slow start If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. More information More like this If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. 50. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. Thanks.. Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. You have plenty of time. Jack Girard. The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Laugh or cringe but please enjoy. He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! Why do optometrists set their clocks to military time? Read more. Learn from the mistakes of others. Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out the military humor in the most serious sergeants. Jokes Archives - Aviation Humor You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. Attention! You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. It works just like every other seat belt and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised, 26. Marine: Wait, stop. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. 29. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Me: Hello? 2. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. 'I could see the bones in my hands.' F-84 pilot tells the story of when